A small golden headed reviewer, a 007 joke post title, and three movies.
The Fastest Guitar Alive! (1967) Okay, if someone told you there was a movie starring Roy Orbison as a Confederate spy in the Civil War who carries a guitar that is also a gun, would you believe it? Well friends and neighbors, there is such a movie, and I have seen it! Roy plays Johnny, teamed with Steve (Sammy Jackson) as spies out to steal some northern gold for the Confederate war chest. Their cover is a traveling medicine show, with several dancing girls along as added camouflage. All are aware of their real mission however, including Johnny's girlfriend Sue (Joan Freeman). Johnny is the minstrel of the group, strumming his six string and singing several songs throughout the flick until trouble looms. Then he pushes the special hidden button, the guitar grows a rifle barrel, and he commences to shootin!' I kid you not!
|There it is, in all its glory. The Sharps/Gibson Six String Black Powder Cartridge Guitar.|
Despite this deadly prop, no one gets killed, there's a lot of goofy humor, and of course Roy is singing every few minutes, making this movie very much a cross between a Disney movie like The Apple Dumpling Gang and a late 60's Elvis movie. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if this was originally written as an Elvis vehicle. If true, Elvis obviously turned it down, leaving the door wide open for The Big O to step into the star shoes. As an actor, Roy makes one heck of a great singer, but it's fun to see him trying, and the music is a big compensation as I always enjoy hearing Roy sing. Movie girlfriend Freeman was an interesting choice as she had previously spent time with Mr. Presley in Roustabout, and horror movie fans will recognize her as Mrs. Jarvis from Friday the 13th: The Final Chapter! None of the other actors are well known, but they are all at least adequate, the color photography features some beautiful landscapes, and the script manages to sidestep the fact that our heroes are on the Confederate side rather neatly without cheating too much. All in all this one is well worth a look for Orbison fans or those who enjoy some novelty value in their movies. This turns up occasionally on TCM, making it east to check this one out!
Thunder Run (The Cannon Group, 1986) Forrest Tucker - in his last performance - stars in this action flick as an aging trucker hired by the government to drive some plutonium through the desert out west in the hopes some Arab terrorists will attack him, so he can kill them!
|When you're Forrest Tucker, and John Shepard is riding|
|- you can do this!|
Well, that's exactly what happens, but luckily, Trucker's tuck...er...Tucker's truck been "modified" so we get some awesome semi-truck-loaded-with-computers-and-every-conventional-weapon-known-to-man fu! Some good action, although it admittedly takes a little while to get going. But the slow start is offset by seeing Forrest doing the Cotton Eye Joe! Also with Alan Rachins (TV's Dharma and Greg), John Ireland (Satan's Cheerleaders), and John Shepard (Tommy in Friday the 13th Part V: A New Beginning!)
Night Angel (Fries Distribution, 1990) There are no real surprises in this supernatural scare flick, but it's stylishly directed, and I kinda enjoyed it. An ancient demon who chows on lust pops up in 1990's Los Angeles in the form of (let's say it all together now) a mysterious and beautiful woman. She gets under the skin of a lot of the staff at a men's magazine, and the expected mayhem occurs.
Not bad at all, which is kinda surprising as I didn't care much for director Dominique Othenin-Girard's Halloween 5. But this one's a bit of all right! Stars Karen Black, Linden Ashby, Doug Jones, Helen Martin, Sam Hennings, and Isa Andersen as the hot demonchick.
That completes our mission, which we chose to accept. And always remember, Warren Beatty may have been quite the ladies' man back in the day, but he never romanced Shirley MacLaine.