While Venus Calls 911 Shouting...

The Earth Dies Screaming (20th Century Fox, 1964)

Before the Camera:

Willard Parker (A Slight Case of Murder)

Virginia Field (A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court - she was Morgan LeFay!)

Dennis Price (Theatre of Blood)

Thorley Walters (Great Britain's go-to man for Dr. Watson portrayals from 1962-1977, including The Adventure of Sherlock Holmes' Smarter Brother)

Vanda Godsell (The Pink Panther Strikes Again)

David Spenser (Carry On...Up the Khyber)

Anna Palk (Horror on Snape Island aka Tower of Evil - UK (original title)

                                                       aka Beyond the Fog - USA (reissue title)
                                                       aka Horror of Snape Island - Canada (English title)


Behind the Camera:

Directed by Terence Fisher

Produced by Robert L. Lippert and Jack Parsons

Written by Henry Cross

We get off to a ripping start as several people around England are shown collapsing, some of them at the controls of various air and ground vehicles - trains derail, cars crash, planes drop from the sky.We then meet American test pilot Jeff Nolan (Parker) who survived whatever that was and now seeks refuge in a small British pub while he plans what to do next. He then finds himself facing down the barrel of a shotgun wielded by Taggart (Price) and his companion Peggy (Field). (Lesson #1: Right after the end of the world, keep your freakin hand on your freakin gun!) But after a tense moment, the trio decides to band together to figure out what happened. But both Taggart and Peggy are somewhat mysterious, lending a slightly ominous air to the partnership. As the three make their way around, they find copious dead bodies from the attack, all lying where they fell. Soon after they are joined by Edgar (Walters) and Vi (Godsell) who establish themselves as light comedy relief of the randy adulterous sort, and then Mel (Spenser) and Lorna (Palk) show up to round out the gang as added conflict (Mel's belligerent and Lorna's pregnant). Hail hail, the gang's all here, and they move on in their search for anyone else alive. Everyone compares stories, and it turns out all seven were using an isolated air supply when the Bad Thing happened, pointing to some kind of gas attack that they assume was launched by an enemy foreign power as the start of a war. While everyone ponders this theory, two figures in what appear to be hazmat suits are spotted. But an attempt at direct contact with these individuals reveals they aren't the authorities mopping up...but the second phase of the attack...and it definitely originated much further away than they originally thought...maybe even from Out There...  Once the hazmat guys prove themselves lethal, things take another turn for the worse when they start zapping the corpses lying around into white eyed zombies who then become the third phase of the attack...an attack which may only end when The Earth Dies Screaming!

The community theater auditions for Annie aren't until next week, sorry.

This turned out to be a well made if low key British science fiction flick. As often happens with these movies, the opening few minutes could have been the start of an episode of The Avengers, or Doctor Who. But there are no bowler hats or blue police boxes here. There is an American lead actor though, which was a weird habit these British movies had at the time, I guess to make the film more marketable across the Big Pond. I always find this a little weird, because the American actor is pretty much never a "name" (Who the heck is Willard Parker?) but it seemed to work for them and they did it a lot. Parker is fine in the role, and the rest of the cast is veddy British and up to the tasks presented them here. If you watch a lot of British films or TV from the period then Price and Walters are definitely going to be familiar faces, the rest, probably not so much. The hazmat guys are pretty cool, the blank eyed zombies are actually creepy, and the movie does not overstay its welcome, clocking in at a trim 62 minutes. It's not a slambang thrill a minute flick, but if you don't mind a calmer pace this one is definitely worth a look. It's on an MGM double feature DVD with Chosen Survivors, not a bad pair up I must say.




Let's Get Out of Here ?

At about 36:55, David Spenser uses The Line to propose peace through evacuation.






Eye Candy ?

Based on her World Class Legs alone, Virginia Field totters right onto the list in her pencil skirt and high heels.

Buddha Man's Capsule Review

Buddha Man says "The Earth Dies Screaming is a good preview of December 21st, 2012."

Til next time, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Like the Drive-In circa 1983, in 2010!

The Expendables (Lionsgate, 2010)

and

Machete (20th Century Fox, 2010)

The Expendables - Before the Camera:

Sylvester Stallone  (Death Race 2000 '75)
Jason Statham  (Death Race '08)
Jet Li  (Black Mask)
Dolph Lundgren  (Red Scorpion)
Mickey Rourke  (Fade to Black '80)
Steve Austin  (The Condemned)
Randy Couture  (UFC champion!)
Terry Crews  (Idiocracy)
Gary Daniels  (Fist of the North Star)
Charisma Carpenter (TV's Buffy, the Vampire Slayer)
Giselle Itié (Telenovela star)
and
Eric Roberts  (Doctor Who '96)
and if you look fast -
Bruce Willis (TV's Moonlighting)
Arnold Schwarzenegger (political figure from the West Coast)


Machete - Before the Camera:

Danny Trejo  (From Dusk til Dawn)
Steven Seagal  (Hard to Kill)
Jessica Alba  (The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer)
Jeff Fahey (Planet Terror)
Michele Rodriguez  (TV's Lost)
Cheech Marin  (Born in East LA)
Tom Savini  (Knightriders)
Lindsey Lohan  (I Know Who Killed Me)
and
Robert DeNiro  (Bloody Mama)
and
Introducing
Don Johnson  (Dead Bang)


The Expendables - Behind the Camera:

Directed by Sylvester Stallone

Produced by Avi Lerner, Boaz Davidson, Danny Dimbort and 12 other assorted producers

Written by David Callaham and Sylvester Stallone (story by David Callaham)


Machete - Behind the Camera:

Directed by Robert Rodriguez & Ethan Maniquis

Produced by Robert Rodriguez and 16 other producers, including Quentin Tarantino

Written by Robert Rodriguez and Álvaro Rodríguez


    This is turning out to be quite the summer for maniacal movie fans - first Piranha 3-D swims into our faces, now this double shot of old school action rocks 'em and socks 'em at the theater.

    The Expendables starts right off with the titular gang (including Stallone, Statham, Li, Lundgren, Crews, and Couture) taking out a couple of dozen bad guys with action packed alacrity before heading back to pal/guru Tool's (Rourke) combination motorcycle repair shop/tattoo parlor for some rest and relaxation, which mainly involves booze and more thrown knives. Barney (Stallone) is then called in to a meeting with the mysterious "Mr. Church" (Willis) who needs someone to travel to the island of Vilena to knock off the military dictator there. But the job is up for grabs, and in walks the Expendables' main business rival Trench (Schwarzenegger). Trench passes, but Barney takes the job. In Vilena the general is working with rogue CIA agent Malone (Roberts) and his henchmen (Austin and Daniels) running drugs and arms, and there's an army numbering in the hundreds ready to cut the Expendables down - can even a gang of mercenaries consisting of some of the most popular action stars in the world stand up against that kind of firepower?

Every action fan's dream scene, or a Planet Hollywood shareholder meeting?

      
Speaking of firepower, there's also plenty on display in Machete. Longtime movie hardass Danny Trejo gets his first lead role, as Machete, the legendary cop-turned-avenger out to stop evil wherever he finds it. Which is absolutely everywhere. All the time. Nobody ever calls Trejo anything but Machete, leading one to wonder, is he called Machete because it's his weapon of choice, or is it his weapon of choice because it's his name? Well, you actually get the answer to that in the film, but I'll leave you to look for that tidbit on your own time. The movie Machete is the feature expanded from the at-the-time faux trailer on the front of Grindhouse (2007).  After an opening sequence in which Machete is ambushed, forced to watch some family be killed and is then left for dead by Mexican crimelord Torrez (Seagal - really?) he hits rock bottom and ends up a day laborer eking out a living on the streets of some city in Texas. He is drawn into an assassination conspiracy by the shadowy Booth (Fahey), with the target right wing anti-immigrant Senator McLaughlin (DeNiro). Nothing is quite as it seems, and soon immigration agent Sartana (Alba), Mexican activist Luz (Rodriguez), nasty vigilante border guard Stillman (Johnson), Booth's druggie daughter (Lohan), and Machete's priest brother (Marin) all get wrapped up into a pretty convoluted story for a movie like this. In the end, can even the raw power of Machete cut through this Gordian knot of plot?

The last guy who wore this coat tripped. They found him in 37 pieces.

    Truly, sitting in these two movies in the same afternoon was like reliving a weekend from one of my high school summers. The Expendables is a meat and potatoes action flick with the added gravy of an incredible cast of action stars of the past and present. Machete is a grindhouse style thriller with an amazing cast done to a T and that stands for trashy which rhymes with flashy and that all describes this movie.
    Everyone in The Expendables is up to the game, and director Stallone gives all of his costars some moments along the way. The standouts are Statham, (not usually one of my fave action guys) but terrific here supporting Stallone as his right hand man; and the diabolically dynamic duo of Roberts and Austin, superb in their screen villainy. But don't get me wrong, the entire cast is first-rate and it's great to see every one of them back on the Big Screen, even if this might be the first time for some of the usually direct to video stars. And how about that Stallone, still ripped and rippling at the age of 64? And speaking of Stallone, as a director he keeps the movie zipping along, with enough fists a'flying, knives a'slashing, guns a'firing, and bombs a'blowing to make The Expendables a must for action fans.
    As for Machete, it completely fulfills the promise of the original fake trailer that was the first thing seen when the lights went down in Grindhouse. And amazingly, they managed to weave almost every shot from that trailer into the movie! Rodriguez showed with Planet Terror (his half of the Grindhouse double feature) that he knew exactly how to make this kind of fast paced homage to the low rent action flicks he used to watch back in the day, and he suffers no sophomore slump here. His cast sparkles, with kudos going to Trejo, for handling his first lead with aplomb; Seagal, for jumping in as the movie's villain with Raquel Welch's unidentifiable accent from Bandolero!; and Johnson, "introduced" in the credits and wonderfully nasty in a role that I'm guessing was originally meant for Michael Parks. Everyone in the cast is in on the joke, showing up on set with tongue firmly in cheek; and if the joke doesn't always work, as is the case with Lohan's turn as the druggie daughter (it might have been funnier to get an actress less known for hijinks to play the part), at least in the end she's actually okay in the role, so I'll shut up about her. The R rating kicks in in the first couple of minutes, and once it starts, the movie never lets up with a constant stream of action, graphic violence, nudity and hilariously profane dialogue from beginning to end. I will say that Machete might be overlong by about ten minutes or so, but that's just quibbling. If you don't mind your action fare gory and gratuitous, then by all means check Machete out!



Let's Get Out of Here ?

The Expendables gives us The Line at around the 30:00 mark, as Stallone wants Statham to accompany him away from their plane and into town.

Machete did not go for The Line that I heard, but I will need to confirm that with a second viewing before I'll commit 100% on the no.



Eye Candy ?

The ladies definitely take a back seat in The Expendables, with neither Giselle Itié or Charisma Carpenter qualifying for the list on the basis of lack of screen time and import to the movie.

Machete, on the other hand, gives us plenty of Jessica Alba and Michele Rodriguez, so welcome to the list, ladies!

Buddha Man's Capsule Review

Buddha Man says "If you want testosterone and explosions, The Expendables is indispensable. If you want the three B's (boobs, blood, and beasts) then Machete will cut your mustard. Check 'em both out!"

Til next time, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Run for the border!

Bandolero! (Twentieth Century Fox, 1968)

Before the camera:

James Stewart (Airport '77)
Dean Martin (Airport)
Raquel Welch (Mother, Jugs, and Speed)
George Kennedy (Airport, Airport '75, Airport '77, The Concorde: Airport '79)
Andrew Prine (Grizzly)
Will Geer (Grampa Walton himself!)
Clint Ritchie (TV's One Life to Live)
Denver Pyle (Uncle Jessie Himself!)
and if you look fast -
Dub Taylor (Back to the Future III)
Harry Carey Jr. (Back to the Future III)
Perry Lopez (Death Wish 4: The Crackdown)
Jock Mahoney (Tarzan in Tarzan the Magnificent)
and
Roy Barcroft (Retik, Ruler of the Moon in Radar Men from the Moon)

Behind the camera:

Directed by Andrew V. McLaglen

Produced by Robert L. Jacks

Written by James Lee Barrett and Stanley Hough (story)


    When bank robber Dee Bishop (Martin) and his gang (including Geer and Ritchie) ride into the small town of Val Verde with larceny in mind, things go awry and some locals are shot, including the husband of Maria (Welch). The gang also finds Sheriff July Johnson (Kennedy) and Deputy Bookbinder (Prine) a little better prepared than they expected and soon after they are sitting in the town jail, watching some gallows being constructed.

    Elsewhere, older brother Mace Bishop (Stewart) hears that his little brother is about to put his head in a noose, and is soon on his way to Val Verde disguised as the very hangman meant to do the neck stretching. On the day the hanging is to occur, Mace does a little of the old "slip your brother a gun" trick and shortly thereafter the Bishop gang is on the way out of town with a posse led by Sheriff Johnson hot on their trail. This leaves the unsuccessfully robbed town bank completely unguarded, and Mace (whose complicity in the escape has not been revealed) helps himself to $10,000 in his first bank job ever.

    Four plot developments and one crossing of the border later, Dee and his boys have kidnapped Maria, Mace has worked around in front of the posse and joined up with his brother, Dee Bishop starts to make googoo eyes at Maria, and the posse finds itself losing men one by one as Mexican bandits (the bandolero of the title) pick off the last guy in line with deadly efficiency time and time again. (Lesson #1: if you're headed into Mexico as a part of George Kennedy's posse, don't ride the slowest horse. It's like throwing on a red shirt on the Enterprise...)
Eventually the groups meet up in a ghost town looted to the bone by those bandits, and enemies may have to band together to survive when the bandits return to make their final attack. Otherwise, perhaps no one will escape...the Bandolero!




I'll tell Sammy he's got to move out. What do you say?

    This is kind of an old fashioned Western that makes some attempts to be modern a la 1968: we cast our cast in shades of gray (the heroes are kinda bad guys, the sheriff is a little creepy - it is pointed out often that he's leading the posse to recover Maria and put the moves on her, not catch the bank robbers); there are very visible bullet holes on those who get shot, and there are a couple of bloody moments when the Mexican bandits start slicing and dicing the supporting cast. And it is an entertaining film. We never believe Stewart and Martin are brothers, but it's fun to watch them pretend to be. Stewart is a rock as always, and Martin impresses whenever he shows up to actually act, as he does here. We never believe Welch is Mexican (what is that accent?) or anything less than a 1968 woman dressed old timey (nice false eyelashes!) but she's easy on the peepers and no less welcome for her acting issues. And Kennedy and Prine both turn in sterling work and have great chemistry together. It's great to see so many familiar faces sprinkled throughout the cast, and director McLaglen keeps the flick moving along and provides some stunning landscapes for the action to play out against. All in all, Bandolero rates a solid recommendation for anyone who enjoys a Western now and again and is a must for fans. Check it out!

Let's Get Out of Here ?

Approximately 34 minutes in, someone in the Bishop gang proposes they all vacate Val Verde vivaciously.

Eye Candy?

Yes, despite (or because of) her refusal to leave her makeup bag at home, Raquel Welch definitely makes the list.

Buddha Man Capsule Review

Buddha Man says "Esta película es buena y usted lo debe mirar!"

Until next time, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, 'Cause I Am Outta Here!