Blabbermouth!

Do You Wanna Know A Secret?  (Mainline Films, 2001)

Before the Camera:


Joseph Lawrence  (TV's Blossom)
Dorie Barton  (All About Steve)
Chad Allen  (TV's Our House)
Jack McGee  (The Hidden)
Leonora Scelfo  (Scream)
Thomas Anthony Jones  (The Hanged Man)
Elsie Escobar  (Pumpkin)
James Mapes  (The Wicker Tree)
Del Tenney  (Satan in High Heels)
and
Jeff Conaway  (TV's Taxi)
as
Agent Sacker





Behind the Camera:


Directed by Thomas Bradford


Produced by Del Tenney, Kermit Christman, Margot Hartman Tenney, and Edward Lopatin


Written by Del Tenney and Kermit Christman




Still following Scream's wake - though pretty far back five years later - this slasher pic gets off to a start with six friends, including stars Joey Lawrence and Chad Allen, heading out for a rollicking Spring Break at a borrowed (or rented - who can follow these things?) mansion. However, this trip comes One Year Later after our opening, where some generic college guy was quickly stalked and axed by someone in an admittedly fairly creepy babyface-mask-and-raincoat ensemble in a decently handled though pretty bloodless suspense sequence with one good jump scare. Of course the killer taunts with the title phrase, first the dead guy and then the police when they investigate. Eventually, we'll discover the poor dead sap dated one of our six, and that whoever killed him isn't finished yet, despite a very patient approach to serial murder. As obnoxious red herrings abound, a lot of screen time passes before someone else meets up with the goon, even though he is apparently stalking the group and keeps leaving the title around for them to find. We spend much more screen time hanging out with FBI agent Conaway as he definitely does Wanna Know A Secret, obsessively obsessing over his obsessive need to catch his obsession: the killer; and the rest of the time getting to know almost nothing about our protagonists, instead just listening to them banter and argue Real World style. Oh sure, some of them have emotional baggage that seems like it might be tied in with someone's ax laden plot, but then again...maybe not. It could just be a fairly transparent and hollow attempt to make some pretty pale characters a little more interesting. But what do I know? I just work here. Finally, it seems the murderer realizes there's only so much more screen time before the credits are going to start rolling, and the killing goes into overdrive, claiming three or four victims in about the same number of minutes, and leaving just enough running time for the killer to get the Final Victim to the climactic showdown where much loud and strenuous acting will be employed to convince the viewer of the insanity on view.



"Trade you my mask for that veil?"




I'm going to have to make this one fairly SPOILER laden, as there are aspects to this one I have to discuss, though they'll wreck the ending if anyone was planning to watch this cold. However, before I even get there, my first (and as it turned out - only) surprise watching this was seeing the name Del Tenney in the credits of this 2001 movie. Del was the guy who made Horror of Party Beach in 1964, the unfairly maligned low budget beach movie/monster movie/musical/enviromental movie I had Buddha Man review. Del's not usually way up on the list of people's favorite filmmakers, but he's had a hand in some...interesting...movies, and it's cool that he was still going strong in the 21st century. But that said, this is not much of a movie. I don't need to see buckets of blood in every horror movie, but this one is so tepid in the murder scenes the whole thing comes off very cable movie-ish. And, if lackluster kills in a slasher movie doesn't do it in, this one's flabby middle section with lots and lots and lots of talking certainly does. By the time you get to the big climax, and the killer pulls off the mask to reveal...pretty much exactly who you expect it to be, you'll be as ready for this one to wrap it up as I was. Yes, one of the bigger names is the killer. Of the other two, one ends up serving no purpose at all other than killing screen time, and the other is actually killed, which is either a fairly bold choice by the filmmakers in a valiant attempt to do something surprising, or the actor in question got POed about something and took a hike before the last "cut!" was called. I'm betting it was the latter, considering how this final fate for a leading character all takes place off camera. My other big problem with this movie is the character of Oz (Washington). The guy actually comes off fairly well until the later reels, when the killer starts a hobby of knocking him out and tying him up, instead of killing him like he has everybody else in the flick. And it's not because he has some part to play in the Final Reveal. No, the killer just keeps deciding to leave him alive, even though he gets loose and starts a fist fight each time. This goes beyond Stupid Character Syndrome, and just gets insulting the second or third time it happens.
   In the end, I guess there would be enough here for a slasher completist to get a fix, but nobody else needs to answer the question Do You Wanna Know A Secret? I'll answer for you. No, thanks. We're good.






Let's Get Out of Here ?

We do have a hat trick here, with the first occurring around 3:52, with Joey Lawrence throwing in a "you" for camoflage as he tries to avoid Jeff Conaway. But we get pure Line later around 36:33 when Leonora Scelfo is ready to party, and we get Last Line at the 1:30:00-ish mark when Dorie Barton knows the movie is over.



Eye Candy ?

Unfortunately, the mediocrity which runs rampant in this movie extends to the possible Eye Candy casting, and while no one made my eyes hurt, no one made the list either. Sorry, ladies.

Buddha Man's Capsule Review



Buddha Man says: "Do You Wanna Know A Secret? You
should skip this movie!"






Thank you, BM. Until next post, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

The Video Vault of Mora Tau! 10/6/11

This time, when it comes to the subject for this installment of the Video Vault of Mora Tau, it certainly wasn't hard to Pickett.

Bobby "Boris" Pickett, that is!

That means it's time to get Mashed. And we're not talking potatoes, or sour, or Hawkeye and Trapper John either.


We're talking The Monster Mash!


Novelty singing star Bobby "Boris" Pickett guaranteed himself eternal fame on an annual basis with his great tribute to the old monster movies and Boris Karloff. Let's start with the one true original.


Since the best choices are either watching a 45 rpm record playing for the whole song, or this cute clip with stop motion Lego people, I Lego the record video and got animated...

Of course, the whole thing hinges on Pickett's excellent Boris Karloff impression. But did you know that the TV show Shindig actually pressed an aging Karloff into service for a Halloween episode in 1965 to perform the song himself?


There don't seem to be any clips available, other than weirdly cobbled together recreations. There is a three part version of the whole show, but that's a lot of time invested. So instead, here's an interesting version - a fan's reel-to-reel (!) recording taken while sitting in front of the TV that night in 1965. In addition to Boris and the Mash, you also get a big chunk of Ted Cassidy and his novelty song of the time "Do the Lurch!"

I realize that's more an audio clip than a video clip - but at least he tried to set the mood with the candle and skull - and some great cameo action from his kitty!






A few years later, Vincent Price joined in on the fun with his version, in this clip from The Monster Club (1982). For some reason there's a couple of minutes in this video before the song - with an amusing if slightly heavy-handed speech by vampire Vincent about the horrors mere humans (or "Humes," as the monsters in the film refer to us) inflict on each other. At least this allows John Carradine a good moment at the end of the speech. Skip ahead to about 1:47 if you want to get closer to the song.

I can't resist throwing in one more clip. After the success of The Monster Mash, Bobby Pickett recorded a sequel song - this time geared to the Christmas season - called Monsters' Holiday. In the interests of time we're going to skip Bobby's version (sorry Mr. P!) and stick to our warbling masters of horror theme - because Monsters' Holiday was also recorded by none other than Lon Chaney Jr.!

I don't know about you, but now I'm feeling a bit mashed, and could use a holiday, monsters notwithstanding! Thankfully we have Halloween coming up in a few weeks!


And until next post, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Cabin Pressure!

Foto Frenzy Presents: The Evil Dead  (Renaissance Pictures, 1981)




With a remake of the classic in the offing - let's take a look at the original, which remains another one of my favorites of all time!









I saw this movie after reading Stephen King's review
when it appeared in Twilight Zone magazine. He called
it "the most ferociously original horror movie of the
year." It took a while to get to us - I had my license
when my movie pal Richard and I finally checked this
one out at the Starlite Drive-In - Eldorado, Illinois.
Afterwards we drove out to a very dark and creepy
cemetery that you could only get to by walking across
a foot bridge. We sat there, car running, headlights on...
looking at the gravestones on the other side of the
bridge...and the very dark shadows underneath
that bridge...and we put the car in reverse and
promptly drove back to town! I used to proclaim
The Evil Dead as my very favorite horror film.
And you know what?
It very well might still be.








And there's a digression, sorta!

Five Michigan college students drive down to Tennessee for
a little private partying at a rented cabin.



The party starts with a toast from Ash (Bruce Campbell).

















Strange noises from the basement interrupt the festivities.
Left to right - Ash (Campbell), Linda (Betsy Baker),
Cheryl (Ellen Sandweiss), Scotty (Hal Delrich - really Rich
Delmanicor under a hiding-from-SAG pseudonym), and
Shelley (Sarah York - really Theresa Tilly, also trying to
hide from SAG)


















Down in the basement they find a shotgun, a reel-to-reel tape
player...and a book bound in human flesh...see the face?
















I don't know what possessed them to play that tape...but I know just what possessed them
after they played the tape...The Evil Dead!





"You will die! Like the others before you, one by one,
we will take you."

















"I fear the only way to stop those possessed by the
spirits of the book is through the act of...
...bodily dismemberment..."



Daylight finally comes...but the story isn't over...

If you've never seen this movie - I truly recommend that you check it out. You must remember, however, that we're now thirty years later, and this movie was made for a few thousand dollars by kids in their early 20's who cobbled it together across several years. It's not a big budget Hollywood Blockbuster. It's the "ultimate exercise in grueling terror," or so a credit at the end indicates. And that credit is more right than wrong...

Until next time...you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Halloween Public Service Announcement! 10/4/11

In the interests of serving the public, and remembering the time of year, LGOOH and artist Rob Kelly present the following word to yo mama:

Let that be a lesson to you! And until next post, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Maniacal Movie Poster Monday #37!

1, 2, 3, look at Mr. Lee...

3, 4, 5, look at him jive!



It's Maniacal Movie Poster Monday, it's the Halloween Blogfest, and we're celebrating the one the only..

Christopher Lee!

Curse of Frankenstein (1957) / Horror of Dracula (1958)  (Hammer Films)

Yeah, we'll hold to three posters - but look at me getting in four movies!

The Wicker Man  (British Lion Film Corporation, 1973)

One of the greats - and the only version of this movie ever made. Bup-bup! I said the only version of this movie ever made, and I meant it!

Meatcleaver Massacre  (Group One, 1977)

Wow - what is an actor of Christopher Lee's stature (I'm talking reputation, not his 6'6" height) doing in a movie called Meatcleaver Massacre? Well, don't ask Christopher Lee, because he doesn't know. Apparently Lee was hired to provide some on camera narration for a yet to be shot occult film. After he'd shot it and moved on, the producer ended up crapcanning his movie and sold the Lee footage to another bunch of low budget shlockmeisters - who promptly added it as a non-sequitur opening and closing to their already produced junkfest. Lee tried to sue to get the footage removed and his name off the posters, but after being warned this would be a long, laborious, and costly prospect, he gave up and withdrew the case. Turned out it didn't much matter - the movie has long since fallen off the radar. Except for here.

And until next post, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Of Tall Men and Silver's Fears...

Phantasm  (Avco Embassy, 1979)

Before the Camera:

A. Michael Baldwin  (Vice Girls)
Bill Thornbury  (Summer School Teachers)
Reggie Bannister  (Bubba Ho-Tep)
Kathy Lester  (Phantasm III)
Terrie Kalbus  (Kenny and Co.)
Ken Jones  (Hidden Fears)
Lynn Eastman  (Night of the Demon)
Ralph Richmond  (Video Vixens)
Mary Ellen Shaw  (Kenny and Co.)
and
Angus Scrimm  (The Lost Empire)
as
The Tall Man





Behind the Camera:

Directed by Don Coscarelli


Produced by Dac Coscarelli and Paul Pepperman


Written by Don Coscarelli



1979 was a terrific year to be a horror film fan. Halloween had hit it big the previous October, and the subsequent year reaped the benefits of a hit film in the genre. Although there were scads of scarepics rushed out to cash in on John Carpenter's classic - there were three that came in and carved their own path that year: The Fog - Carpenter's next after Halloween; Alien - Dan O'Bannon's clever mix of horror film with sci-fi elements; and Don Coscarelli's Phantasm. I guess the latter had been completed in 1977 - it finally garnered a  release through Avco Embassy thanks to Halloween's conversion into a machine to print money; although I think the sheer crazy quality of Coscarelli's movie would have gotten it out into the world eventually on its own.
The movie starts off as many such horror movies do: in a cemetary, and it wastes no time getting down to the business of earning its R rating  - with a sex scene climaxing not in climaxing, but in bloody murder. And we are off! From there we meet the brothers...wait, we never do learn their last names, so we? 

Jody, Reggie, and Mike.


Well, brothers Mike (Baldwin) and Jody (Thornbury) and the tough times they've faced ever since their parents died a year ago. Jody hangs out with his pal, ice cream man Reggie (Bannister) and tells him he is ready to hit the road and do whatever it is footloose guys with guitars would do in the 70's, but he can't leave a kid as young as Mike alone, no matter how self sufficient the kid is. It isn't helping Mike's case that he knows, or at least suspects that Jody is about to make tracks and follows him everywhere. Don't let this domestic drama put you off - it's only a short bit of the running time, and then the scary stuff gets back in the driver's seat. While Jody tries to decide what to do, he's also targeted for more tragedy when one of his best friends turns up murdered in the local cemetary. At the cemetary we meet the local undertaker, a very tall man never named, but referred to very efficiently as The Tall Man (Scrimm). He's a big and creepy cuss, as sinister as you can be without being arrested for it, and he makes quite an impression on Mike, who diverts off Jody's trail long enough to snoop around the Morningside Mortuary. While there, he finds himself under pursuit from The Tall Man, the mortuary's caretaker, and...a really dangerous flying silver sphere...I'm leaving the synopsis there to stay far away from the spoilers...suffice to say...terror lives at Morningside Mortuary, and it comes out to play when Mike and Jody visit...and their lives - and Reggie's - will never be the same...

This movie has some balls, all right.

In this blogger's not-so-humble opinion, it is not easy to make a dreamlike (or nightmarish) movie, and there have been several that have failed miserably. Don Coscarelli - inspired by a real dream he had - gets it right with this movie. The reality within the film is dreamily malleable, just like most of mine. There are also little WTF? moments throughout, which again are a recurring motif in my dreams.



"That's right. He said Horror Icon, boy!"

 The Tall Man is a horror icon that should be put into the Horror Hall of Fame, regardless of how many movies he's been in. Scrimm knows it's Go Big or Go Home, and he goes BIG just perfectly. The rest of the casting is fine; of the three leads Bannister comes off best as the affable Reggie. The other two are okay, though their naturalistic style works well within the 70's framework. The biggest quibble is an inadvertent one for the filmmakers, as the appearance of a supporting character in the movie instantaneously reminds the viewer of a supporting character in another movie - looking like a rip-off. But since the movie was filmed two years previously, the year the other film came out, you have to chalk it up as an unfortunate coincidence, as no one in their right mind would have chosen the resemblance on purpose when you think about it. All in all, Phantasm rates a very high recommendation - it is one of my All Time Faves - and if you give it a watch...maybe it'll be one of yours, too.






LGOOH Halloween Blogfest Blowout Extras!

If you watch a lot of James Bond movies, and you've always found Morningside Mortuary kind of familiar...there's a good reason:

Morningside Mortuary - Phantasm (1979)



The Sutton Mansion - A View to a Kill (1985)

 For the record, that's Dunsmuir House and Gardens - 2960 Peralta Oaks Court, Oakland, California, USA






And here's a very cool foreign poster for the movie - I think it's the Italian one. I love this poster, even though the image on the poster is not in the movie.




See how the foreign title appears to have been added by way of a piece of black tape?









Let's Get Out of Here ?

At almost exactly the 1:00:00 mark, Mike Baldwin decides he doesn't want any ice cream.







Eye Candy ?

Kathy Lester! You're the Lady in Lavender, and you're in!





I normally try to keep the boys out of the Eye Candy photos,
but when Bill Thornbury photobombs the best pic of the lady
from the movie, there's not much I can do.





Ms. Lester joins my growing pantheon of women attractive
in the day, and holding up extremely well today!



Buddha Man's Capsule Review



Buddha Man says "Phantasm is phantastic!"



There you go. And until next we meet, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!

Saturday Night at the Movies! 10/1/11

Who cares what picture we see?



Well, I think we all do, and since this is the first post in my second 31 Days of Halloween Blogfest, I don't see how we can choose anything but:

This always has been, and always will be, one of my very favorite scary movies of all time. I don't care how many sequels pop up, or reboots, or ripoffs. This is the Gold Standard. You should see it, or see it again.

LGOOH Halloween Blogfest Blowout Extras!

Here's the TV Guide ad for the World Television Premiere of Halloween on Friday, October 30th, 1981.

I'm not sure if I'd managed to rent Halloween - ON BETA - by this time - but even if home video had appeared in our house by this time, it was still a rare thing, so any chance to see a movie like this would have me glued to the TV. In addition, I'd somehow heard that they were adding new scenes to the television airing "to tie it in better with the sequel" but really to get the running time back up after cutting out the R rated stuff. That's right. Back in those days the network would pay money to add footage to a flick and have less commercials. Paging Ripley's!


Here is the opening minute of the NBC airing:

And so it begins! Until the next post, you Can Poke Me With A Fork, Cause I Am Outta Here!