13 Ghosts (Allied Artists, 1960)
Before the Camera:
Charles Herbert (
The Fly
'58 - he's the kid!)
Jo Morrow (
The 3 Worlds of Gulliver)
Martin
Milner (TV's
Adam 12)
Rosemary DeCamp (
Yankee Doodle
Dandy)
Donald Woods (
The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms)
John Van
Dreelen (
Sex Kittens Go to College)
and
Margaret Hamilton (The
Wicked Witch of the West herself!)
as
Elaine Zacharides
Behind the
Camera:
Produced and Directed by William Castle
Written
by Robb White
Much has been written about producer/director William
Castle - the Movie Gimmicks Master From insurance policies against dying of fright to seats wired to
tingle the backside, William Castle could sell a movie like no other filmmaker.
He opens this movie too, sitting in a cool office set and explaining his new
process Illusion-O and how to use the Ghost Viewer you got coming in to the
theater. (More on that later)
For the story, Castle again turned to his
frequent writer Robb White, who cobbled up a story of the Zorba family. White
must have been getting his kicks where he could find them at this point - get
the monikers on this bunch: dad Cyrus (Woods), mom Hilda (DeCamp), daughter
Medea (Morrow), and son Buck (top billed Herbert - a very popular child star of
the time who obviously had some canny agents and managers). Cyrus is a
paleontologist at the local university who apparently makes bupkus at his job;
as the film opens he takes a call from Hilda who is letting him know the
furniture is being repossessed. Again. (And not by the ghosts. They show up
later.) After getting a tush pinch from one of the repo men, (!) Hilda is ready
to throw in the towel. Cyrus comes home to his empty house to commiserate, just
as a telegram is delivered (luucky!) that lets the Zorbas know they have just
inherited a house from Cyrus's eccentric uncle Plato Zorba (and the names keep
coming!)
The family meets Uncle Plato's lawyer Benjamen Rush (Milner) (and
yes, it's spelled Benjamen) who passes over the deed, tsk tsk tsking. With a
little prompting, Ben advises that Plato had spent his life hunting down and
capturing ghosts, which he kept trapped, and that "they come with the house."
Eleven of them, to be exact. Ben also passes over a small wooden chest, which at
first appears to be some kind of futuristic self contained central air
conditioning system, because every time the lid is lifted, winds kick up and
blow around the room. But no, it's actually the receptacle for a very special
pair of glasses Uncle Plato had made up that allow the wearer to see his ghosts.
The Zorbas give Ben the raspberry, disbelieving all this nonsense. Then they get
to the place and meet the housekeeper and it turns out to be the freaking Wicked
Witch of the West (!) and they believe every word.
 |
Margaret Hamilton. In between terrorizing Oz
and shilling for Maxwell House coffee she
earned a doctorate in Disapproving Glares. |
Shortly thereafter, the family messes with the Ouija board they find,
and get a couple of creepy
messages that predict ghostly ill will toward the family and especially daughter
Medea. You would think about this time the family would just pick up and go, but
no, screenwriter White throws in a cockamamie contractual obligation that the
family MUST stay in the house or lose it to the state, which plans to raze the
place and make the land into a park. So burdened, they settle in for the long haul.
Soon everyone in the family is taking turns popping on the ghost viewer and
seeing the ghosts; some of whom are actually creepy - the burning skeleton - and
some of whom are kind of silly - the headless lion tamer and his spectral lion
pal - yeah, I get that the guy died when the lion bit his head off, but what
killed the lion? Cheap shampoo? It also turns out there are twelve ghosts in the
house as good ol' Uncle Plato starts to make his ectoplasmic presence felt. The
final twist comes when the family discovers Uncle Plato converted all of his
riches into cash which is hidden somewhere in the house and someone solid and
earthbound is willing to kill to get that money. And just what is the mystery of
that thirteenth ghost?
 |
| The family that Ouijas together, gets threatened by ghosts together. |
Quite simply, there is nothing like a William
Castle movie. His films could be by turns fun, silly, clever, creepy, cheesy,
over-the-top, and at times even genuinely frightening. What makes this flick one
of the best to watch today is that you can still experience Illusion-O. (My used
DVD was missing the ghost viewers, but a standard pair of red/blue 3-D glasses
work too). It's doubtful you'll ever view
The Tingler with a wired up
"Percepto" theater seat, or watch "Emergo" send a skeleton flying over your head
during
The House on Haunted Hill; but you can take the Fright Break
during
Homicidal; you can vote on
Mr. Sardonicus's final fate,
and you can see the ghosts (look through the red lens) or not see the ghosts
(sorta, when you look through the blue lens - they're still fairly visible) in
this movie. It's funny, because in his opening bit Castle instructs you to put
on the glasses when the screen turns blue. Okay, no problem there. But then he
instructs you to take the viewer away from your eyes when the screen loses the
blue tint. But looking through the viewer, red or blue, precludes you being able
to see the screen changing back to black and white, so they gave up and simply
told you what to do and when:
Of course, any movie that throws instructions at you in subtitles is not
meant to be taken too seriously, and that's definitely the case here. The cast
is pretty good playing the all American family with weird names, and it's great
to see the familiar TV face of Milner out of his police uniform; but really,
it's all about Margaret Hamilton, Castle's greatest bit of stunt casting ever.
It is so awesome to see her running around doing her creepy shtick, and even
better, the script runs with the joke and has the family call her a witch
several times and they even get in a broom joke! Friends and neighbors, it does
not get better than that!
This is the kind of scary movie the whole
family can enjoy, with enough scary moments to make it fun for kids but no
graphic violence, nudity or profanity; and the silly bits lend themselves to a
little MST3K-ing for the older kids and adults. It would be perfect Halloween
viewing with or without ghost viewers, and it gets a high recommendation from me
so track it down and check it out!
Let's Get Out of Here ?
At around
40:00, Rosemary DeCamp is ready to go after a particularly harrowing ghost
encounter, prompting Donald Woods to tell her about their contractual obligation
to stay and count all the ghosts.
Eye Candy ?
Although she is cute, I'm
afraid Jo Morrow just stays too wholesome in her sweaters and long skirts to
qualify. Sorry Jo.
Buddha Man sez:
 |
| "13 Ghosts shows once again that Castle is King!" |
Thank you Buddha Man! Until tomorrow and a dose of posters - you Can Poke Me With A Ouija Board, Cause I Am Outta Here!
